An example of something that makes personality less visible is social anxiety. Changing that kind of stuff doesn’t mean that one is wrongly “forcing it” or being less genuine.

Some advice mentioned in these comments are examples of criticizing the intention of finding a romantic partner (“intention” might have been too vague): https://www.reddit.com/r/CatholicDating/comments/1h0gy5r/what_is_some_advice_christian_people_swear_is/

Alternative phrasing of my observation: … they confuse personality with the box surrounding it, and they take their own box’s transparency for granted