I was in the mood, lol. lmk if it helps.

So the Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill above is called sensory-self-soothe, but it sounds like you might need something more like opposite action. I do recommend you take a breather first, so try to take a little bit of time away from those things entirely. This is to let some of your overall emotional inflammation die back before actually getting to work on this. You’re not gonna get this done right if your emotions haven’t even had a chance to stop getting their ass beat. How much time is gonna depend a lot on how you specifically relate to or need any of those things, but even 15 minutes can make a huge difference, especially if adrenaline/panic juice is involved. That said, if it’s some distant acquaintance you might just cancel lunch and get back to them next week, y’know?

So opposite action means intentionally acting differently than the emotion you are feeling calls you to, with the eventual goal of changing the emotion you are feeling. The worst part is that that’s a legit measurable phenomenon in behavioral psychology; you actually can fake an emotion until you feel it. Your brain will literally be like,“well. I’m smiling. So I guess I’m happy???” Brains are dumb but the cool part is once you know your own exploits stuff gets a lot easier, and this one is in pretty much all human brains.

IMPORTANT FIRST STEP. should you be using opposite action to solve this issue? There’s a decent chance that whatever feeling you’re having is actually relevant, actionable, and important, so you need to rule that out before you use it. If there is a person or entity who is physically hurting you, constantly criticizing you or saying hurtful things, controlling you, etc, you’re supposed to feel anxious/generally bad around them or it. Those unpleasant emotions are there to tell you to move away from something dangerous. I don’t know enough about your situation to know if it’s legit or not, I have no way of finding out over an internet message board, and more importantly, it sounds like you’re talking about multiple things, so I suspect it’s a mix of both legitimate and trivial anxieties. You’ll need to evaluate the relevance, importance, and action-ability of each emotional state on a case by case basis. If one of them doesn’t match up, opposite action is probably the wrong skill. For reference:

• Relevance - “is it an emotion that makes sense for me to feel about this situation?” If not, try to figure out what you’re actually upset about first.
• Importance - “do I need to act on this?” - major fight with your significant other? Yes. Some idiot took too long in the crosswalk? No. If it is something important, you probably either need
  • one of the problem-solving skills like pro and con lists to differentiate options or behavioral chain analysis to break down specific, individual undesired behaviors (often but not always substance related).
  • one of the interpersonal skills, specifically DEAR MAN (negotiation) or FAST (negotiation / boundary setting).
• Action-ability - “is there anything I can do about it anyway?” If you are in an abusive / oppressive situation, sometimes it’s ok to push your emotions down for a bit for the sake of safety, just also try to focus equal energy on finding safe outlets.

How to use it? idfk lol I’m not in your fucking brain and we’re probably not even in the same country. Be willing to be a little creative though. A great first step is before you even go back to trying to interact with that person or thing, try to spend some time reminiscing about what you did like about that person. Scrapbooks and photo albums are great for this, physical or digital. Video is extra good. Do an activity you bonded over. Use, wear, look at, or otherwise enjoy a gift they gave you. Read a nice message they sent you. Protip: start collecting stuff like this about your loved ones in an accessible location if this is a problem you have often. When you’re with the person, the two big things I recommend are:

• keeping your posture as relaxed as you can. I don’t know if you’ve ever learned to swim or a sport or craft where you have to relax your body but that’s part of it. The other part is to think about how you interact with an overall space when you’re comfortable. How do you sit on a couch when you’re comfortable vs uncomfortable? How do you walk down a hall? What clothes do you wear? What are your mannerisms? Study your comfortable self like an actor doing a character study, then practice playing that part (as much as is appropriate anyway, some comfort behaviors are for private environments only obviously). It will legitimately feedback and make you less anxious.
• doing favors / generally being kind to the person. This mostly speaks for itself, but to illustrate my point I’d like to point out that it’s also a known behavioral psychology phenomenon that successfully getting another person to perform favors for you will legit make them like you more.

Like I said, dumb, but very useful once you know the exploits.

Trained pavlovian responses to sensory triggers. If you meditate to the smell of lavender enough times eventually it starts inducing a trance you can use to combat panic attacks. You can also use other smells, sounds, colored lights, textures, etc. It actually works best if you use multiple different senses at a time. The catch is you have to continue meditating to whatever sensory trigger(s) you’ve decided on, and you have to do it more often than you use it to stop anxiety/panic. If you use it a bunch of times when you’re anxious / panicking and don’t keep using those triggers when you’re already calm, eventually the behavioral pathway will flip and the calming trigger will start causing anxiety instead because that’s when you’re doing it most. Ever set your morning alarm to your favorite song (if you haven’t, don’t). Even your favorite song in the world will eventually sour if it’s heard more often interrupting a blissful sleep than being vibed to.

I’ve used it for art and writing before but I find while it does make a product that’s like 75% done you still have to do a lot of editing and if you don’t fundamentally understand what you’re trying to do you won’t be able to edit it correctly. AI is for making you faster at what you already do, not for shoring up the fact that you never learned something to begin with.

Endometriosis is uterine tissue forming outside of the uterus and can be associated with a number of side effects (some of which can be dangerous) including mood swings. We’ve officially come full circle on diagnosing hysteria.

Sir, we’re gonna need a sample, for science.

About the same I would say.

I had literally never even heard of this I was taught the previous, thank you for sharing :)

Similar to how you can feel a sensual touch on your lips, nipples, or fingertips. There’s a bunch of nerves there and if you’re having a good time already and you’re relaxed enough for it to not hurt, all that stimulation feels good. It also has the benefit of being right behind the vagina and the trailing tail ends of the internal clitoris, so they get stimulated a little too.

Additionally, if we’re talking multiple penetration, when you have an object in the anus whether it’s static or thrusting it stretches out the rectum and occupies space within the the pelvis. This means that when you go to insert an object into the vagina, there is less space in the pelvis for it to also expand out into. This means that the vagina will be tighter around the inserted object and as a result that object will feel larger than it otherwise would.

Even without any of that they say the brain is your biggest sex organ for a reason, some people can actually meditate themselves to orgasm (although there is some abdominal flexing iirc). Anal is a taboo at least to some extent in most places, and psychologically that’s a cheap arousal button for an insane number of people.

Oh wait you mean forward up between the lips? Yeah but not like into the vagina, it gets up into the hair like you said and disperses from there. Also for some reason I wanna say those ones don’t really smell much even. It’s those hot little ones that do that but I think that happens to guys too, idk tho you tell me.

This would explain the institutional connection, cots can be narrow.

1. Don’t, for the most part. If it’s any more effort than literally just turning a and saying a single sentence like if you’d have to take more than a step or two or she’s reading/listening to something and you’d have to do something to break her attention, don’t bother. There’s good odds that’s intentional on her part but at the very least it’s annoying. There’s a little bit of flex to these depending on culture, so it’s always worth asking a woman from your own culture.

2. Don’t compliment the natural state of her body, for a variety of reasons. A haircut or other cosmetic choice is usually fine. Tattoos are fine but bring up another point, avoid complimenting things in the bathing suit zone. It sounds obscure/complicated but consider the example of a tattoo poking out of a shirt collar. We all know it’s on her tit; leave it alone.

3. Do compliment something she chose, especially if it looks like something they put a lot of effort into choosing like a coordinated outfit, or a well-made cosplay. It can also help to avoid complimenting the shirt and/or skirt (possibly misconstrued to tits and ass) and choose an accessory like a bag, bracelet, or scarf instead. Careful about shoes, feet have become a sort of Western cultural shorthand for “weirdo” (despite the relative banality of that kink once you know what other shit goes on in that scene).

4. Do compliment something specific about the thing that briefly highlights either something you might have in common, or some kind of knowledge/skill you have (example: “I loved [TV show] but was always more of a [different character] fan” or “the leatherwork on your bag is excellent, you have good taste!” (but you better know your leather!). Don’t make it a question (see below)

5. Say that like, one sentence, then immediately move away slightly and focus your attention on something else entirely. It gives her breathing room and lets her decide what happens next. Most of the time you’ll still probably still get a fake smile/nod, but this is probably the lowest pressure way to approach a strange woman. You’re better off just getting to know people through volunteering or a hobby group (if you really wanna meet women, join a yoga or dance class, or a knitting or romance novel club).

Fyi a silicone menstrual cup is non-porous, so it can be worn for up to 12 hours at a time (the staph bacteria that cause toxic shock can safely hide and reproduce in the cotton sponginess of a tampon, away from the acidity of normal vaginal fluid).

Your body is making sure it can still do that. Like literally checking that it can and also doing basic maintenance / resource delivery to make sure it will continue to be able to.

This was the thing I learned today

I’m answering a fair number of femme questions because a) I was raised that way so can speak to that best and b) afaik lemmy skews masc, so that perspective is likely more needed. Both of those points said, I don’t have the kind of dysphoria that precludes me comfortably discussing what parts I have or have had, which I’ve heard can be a thing.

First question: have you considered finding a woman in the same predicament? You’d have a lot in common and she’d understand where you’re coming from. I wouldn’t go to a support group with the intention of finding a date specifically, but honestly getting out and connecting with other people, or even just connecting online, could go a long way towards alleviating some of your loneliness.

Another facet I think is super important to mention here, a lot of people meet other people by being introduced by someone else. This is a big part of why it’s so important to develop and do hobbies and pastimes and attend culturally unifying gatherings like religious ceremonies and festivals. While moving away from religion has had some benefits, we haven’t really paid much attention to replacing it’s social benefits, such as giving people a place to go on a regular schedule, which is one of the key factors in forming long-term bonds.

If you’re asking if I would personally date you, I have no idea, I’ve never met you, you’re probably not my partner’s type, and I really don’t go solo anymore these days. I will tell you what I told my partner about the “in sickness and in health” bit: I’m not going to be a primary day-to-day caregiver, there would need to be a home health aid 98% of the time and I would just pitch in if they weren’t available or needed a hand. I also refuse to deal with any man who does not take an effective leading role in their own care. I’ve gotten sucked into too many fixer-upper men (only with mental illness thus far) and I’m not putting myself anywhere near that position ever again. I can’t believe I got to the point in my life that I’ve had to add “calls own psychiatrist independently” to my list of criteria but here we are.

1. You can’t always expect it, especially if you have some kind of reproductive disorder like endometriosis, PCOS, etc. This results in massive simultaneous messes of both bloody clothing and wasted, un-bloodied period products, and is colloquially known as “hell.” It is often preventable (but also often caused) with/by hormonal birth control.

2. If you spend some time really getting in touch with your bodily sensations and logging all of them in relation to your cycle, you can often start to notice things like mood swings, increased acne, bloating, headaches, cramping, and other common pre-menstrual symptoms. My whole vulva would ache. My whole inner lips, outer lips, taint, everything just felt like it was bruised, then next day, blood!

3. You start by wearing your least favorite underwear. All women have a ranking of underwear from cutest / sexiest to period-est for this exact reason. This exactly what you keep the dingy ones around for. It usually starts small, also called “spotting.” So you’ll just go to pee, see a little smear or dot of blood, and start using products from there.

4. Sometimes you can feel it just drop out feeling exactly like one of those vagina goo sharts. In fact, you’re usually hoping it’s a vagina goo shart because you can just wipe that out with toilet paper and move on with your day. It’s not gonna soak through and stain three layers of clothing like blood would. Enough of it left sitting on the fabric for long enough (like, weeks) would bleach the fabric but blood is a pain in the ass if it’s not a fabric you can just soak in H2O2.

I’m also an RN with a fair amount of experience in sexual health if you have any more period or reproductive health questions! Only thing I’m not good at is obstetrics (pregnancy), but everything that happens before that I can explain in detail.

Why do you sleep with your hand down the front of your pants? I’ve worked in multiple psych hospitals, for a while exclusively with men and a bunch sleep with their hand on their junk. I thought it was purely an institutional “thing” that they’d picked up to protect the family jewels but then I noticed other men I knew casually doing it, even just while relaxing while awake and one of our security even got fired for falling asleep out on the unit in a patient care area like that, so it must be comfy, but is that the only reason?

They better get to it. Edit: the way to destroy the universe, I mean.

War. Coal mine. Oil rig. None of which should even exist IMO, but that’s a different debate. I’ll respect somebody wanting that lifestyle even if idgi at all but there’s a buuuunch of people out there wanting a partner to do all the trad shit while they do fuckall trad shit. And the modern stuff they’re doing is always all the worst and least fun. They’re exactly the kind of people that would die of a diet-related illness despite never having looked at a spice rack.