Elevator7009

It might also just be that the person asking you just always asks.

did I pass and you just ask everyone this because not everyone conforms to the gender binary?”

… I already brought up that possibility :(

Not conservative.

I’ve gotten very very used to being asked for titles on forms and the like. I’ve gotten used to respecting other peoples’ pronouns.

I have not gotten used to being asked for my own, and I don’t like it.

I understand that you can look just like me while having a gender identity that does not match my own—some men like to present in a feminine manner sometimes while still being men, and some people are non-binary, third gender, agender, etc. but might still dress in a very feminine way for whatever reason. To cover all your bases, ask pronouns, because guessing “she/her” at a feminine presentation in a body with a feminine shape won’t always be right. If you want to maximize your chances of being correct, you need to ask.

But whenever I’m asked, I also wonder if I’ve presented in a way that signals anything other than “woman” (which frequently but does not always line up with feminine presentations from feminine bodies). Did I just totally fail at presenting the way I want to and if forced to assume you’d guess I’m third gender, or are you being inclusive and considering that people who present like me aren’t always women? It’s the privileged, cis-woman version of “did you have to ask because I failed hard at passing, or did I pass and you just ask everyone this because not everyone conforms to the gender binary?” I’m really used to my gender being assumed and assumed correctly, and am not comfortable with people being unsure or even assuming wrong. I’m basically getting a microdose of what many non-cis, non-binary, and/or nongenderconforming people have to deal with, and I don’t like it.

I also understand it is probably for the benefit of most people (I’m aware of some non-cis people also disliking people asking pronouns, with reasons being along the lines of “please assume, I’m a binary trans person and asking makes me worry I don’t pass” or “I’m in the closet right now and asking my pronouns makes me choose between outing myself and misgendering myself” and it’s worth finding some solution for this) for asking to be normalized, so I let my personal discomfort and dislike go. After I ask if they asked pronouns because they honestly thought it’s super likely I don’t use she/her in which case oh god what do I change so I can make the assumption be that I use she/her, or if it’s just them trying to be inclusive and cover all bases which is good and respectable.

I’ve never liked that at all.

I’m not exactly rich, but compared to some starving people in third-world countries yes I am.

I hate to think that because I have it worlds better than them by an accident of birth, I must be stupid and deserve every bad thing that happened to me. After all, I’m just an overprivileged first-worlder, therefore I purposely tried to step on everyone to get my way. Because you suffered in ways that I never have, I must suffer like that and you get to laugh at the “rich person” flailing and generally being miserable. I wasn’t born into poverty, therefore if I experience misfortune I clearly deserve it somehow. If I happen to catch cancer, well, everyone dies someday, should have gotten used to the concept of unexpectedly dying by disease like us real folk, cry harder you privileged bitch, nobody cares and nobody should. That’s just what you get for being out of touch with how real people live. Should have been prepared for that.

This is why I stick to /sub. To avoid this kind of post. And I somehow find these posts anyway (didn’t even seek out stuff outside of /sub, not sure how I landed here, going to find out how it happened so it won’t happen again) and get angry.

Lovely outrage bait. Never change, internet.

Waiting for the next episode on some stupid show could be the one thing motivating a person to keep living till tomorrow instead of killing themselves today. Just being able to promise yourself that you’ll stay alive till tomorrow (and repeating that promise daily) is important for suicidal people. If some dumb show on a dumb streaming service is the thing that motivates them enough, then so be it.

Also, small joys like entertainment help take peoples’ minds off their problems, both “real problems” and “first world problems.” It might not be nearly as helpful as a cash injection or whatever would directly solve their problem, but it can serve as a temporary comfort. If your problem is something you’ve already done your best to solve, or that you can’t solve (maybe you have a painful terminal disease, no family who cares to visit, the hospital won’t allow euthanasia, and you’re too physically weak at that point to do anything to commit suicide), then all you can do at that point is do something to take your mind off your suffering.

Streaming isn’t quite essential, no, but I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s a completely useless luxury. It’s something people with serious problems might lament the loss of easy access to!

I’d also like to think that making the lives of people who don’t have serious problems a little bit worse is still an issue. People are allowed to be mad about their day-to-day problems that aren’t nearly as serious as slavery or genocide. Yes, thinking that your stubbed toe or annoying commute or raised prices on streaming services is more important than slavery or genocide is a problem. But I don’t see how anyone in this article or in this discussion is trying to assert that their problems are more important or should gain attention at the expense of attention to the more important problems. And people will naturally focus on the problems that impact them, even if they’re small.

Hi, woman under 40 here. I’m AFKing at a mob farm I built in Minecraft right now as I browse Kbin. I create mods for Stardew Valley. I have a lot of management games and RPGs. I also avoid multiplayer unless I know I’ll only interact with a small closed circle of my real-life friends because I hear about how awful and bigoted people will act online. These people are also why I am not going to try those arena style shooters on the off chance I fall in love with the genre. People being awful is a near-certainty in those games, while me turning out to love the gameplay is just a chance. I’ve got other things I can play that won’t expose me to this and that I already know I enjoy.

TL;DR: local woman says you’re right