“I tried to find out who was playing Baldur’s Gate 3, but all I found was this worthless pile of sexual abuse evidence!” [Throws cardboard box into incinerator]

The American electorate:

“There’s a horse. In the hospital.”

No I don’t! I tell the truth!

Bluetooth speaker? No! Homemade PVC pipe passive amp? Yes!

I’m just having a hard time imagining a scenario in which it would be offensive…

Plenty where it would be a little confusing. Sandra Dude O’Connor, or Susan Bro Anthony would take some explaining, at the least.

Better for what? I only listen to mp3s I’ve got stored on my phone; I use BlackPlayer for that, and I love it. For streaming music purposes… I dunno, I never got into that racket.

Probably The Asylum.

Admittedly, The Asylum has a quite a few rooms within it, but I’d say that the antechamber of The Asylum that abuts the outer wall to Outside comprises the majority of the surface of the Earth and its atmosphere, so that’s a pretty big room.

Did you see what he did to Dr. Dugong?!

Looks like one of those mechanical cancer SCPs.

At one point when I was in my mid to late-twenties, my workplace’s neighbor had their sprinkler system fail and flood their business. It was so bad that a bunch of water seeped under the adjoining wall and we had about a half an inch of water across a third of our fairly large store. There were maybe a dozen or so of us working there at the time, and we all got called in to rapidly move merchandise out into a big truck so that it wouldn’t get spoiled by the damp air before the remediation guys could do their thing.

So there’s all of these people, most of them younger than me, but not by a lot, running back and forth with crates of merchandise, and I looked around and immediately saw how chaotic and inefficient it was.

So I said, “Okay, you stand by the truck. You stand by the front door, you stand just inside. You stand a little further in than that. The first person just picks up a crate, and we bucket brigade it all out to the truck.”

It was an obvious solution, and it made the work go by so much faster and easier, but apparently I was the only one who thought to do it. I realized that in that moment, in a moderately large group, I was the most responsible adult in the room.

And I’m pretty sure that was when my childhood ended.

That boy needs therapy.

The theory I heard on the Strict Scrutiny podcast is that the 5th Circuit exists to write atrocious opinions on terrible rulings so that the Supreme Court can make rulings that are only 85% as horrible as that so the SC can seem more reasonable by comparison.

Suppose that Australia wants to become republic.

Scenario A: King Charles tries to oppose this. His opposition is overridden by, you know, democracy. Now he looks like even more of a schmuck for standing in the way of something that was going to happen anyway.

Scenario B: He doesn’t oppose it. Australia votes to become a republic, and seems like a cool guy for not standing in the way of the inevitable.

Seems like a pretty straightforward choice between options.

How about…

that they are endowed by their Creator with possess certain unalienable Rights

I know how to enunciate, speak with a voice supported by my diaphragm, and increase the intensity of my speaking voice without actually yelling. It’s incredibly useful. Virtually no one ever misunderstands me on the phone. I can have a conversation in a loud crowded place. I’m actually fairly conflict-averse, but when I need to “switch on,” I can usually short-circuit people’s inclination to argue by using a more focused voice.

Everyone should take a decent Acting 101 class where they teach you these skills.

Just a couple of judicious edits…

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men persons are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it.

The Pop-up Book of Phobias is also great.

Nothing that makes noise or takes batteries.

Board books. Toddlers are murder on books with paper pages. Stick with classics like Goodnight Moon or Dr. Seuss, or if you want something more recent the Little Owl series by Divya Srinivasan, or Calm-Down Time by Elizabeth Verdick are really good.

Playground/beach toys, like a bucket / shovel / rake set that parents can keep in the car. They’ll likely get lost, so go for cheap and sturdy over premium and expensive.

Sidewalk chalk, like the huge fat ones.

The water based coloring books someone else mentioned are great, too. No cleanup (beyond the occasional water spill), they can be reused, and they’re great entertainment for the car.

And yeah, like others have said, coordinate with the parents.

And if you hate the parents, get a Furby knockoff or something else that makes noise.

And the Carolina Squat!