Nice, enjoy! What are you watching?

I’m doing a bunch of housework today and then having my folks over on Sunday for Mother’s Day. It’s absolutely gorgeous out so I might try to get a little gardening in too :)

It’s not my favorite Friday ever - I had to have a colonoscopy this morning 😬 but afterward I had a huge breakfast and a 5 hour nap and I feel like a million bucks now!

Got anything good going on this weekend?

Hey friend! How’s your Friday going?

He can act but that movie was beyond stupid. I’m convinced the only reason it did well with critics is exactly what you said - they were surprised he could actually act.

I always had this impression that Colin Farrell was just a pretty boy with no acting talent. But then I saw him in Banshees of Inisherin and my mind was blown. He was amazing - his performance absolutely gutted me. If you’re willing to give him a try, you should watch that movie.

Rod Torfulson’s Armada Featuring Herman Menderchuck

Three hamberders in a trench coat

Ooh, ‘boil the billionaires’ has a nice ring to it

A couple of things:

1. I’m not the ‘park or embankment’ person, I was just using your response to that person to point out why cold-approaching someone for their digits is a bad idea.
2. I’m 43 and married, not sure why that should be relevant? Never meant to imply it was about you; I was using the ‘general you’.
3. The whole point is quality over quantity, which is why it’s in both parties’ interest to chat a bit first and see if there’s potential. It’s a small investment of time and effort to see if there’s anything there that’s worth pursuing. Some guys seem to think it’s a numbers game - that if you just shoot your shot (again, the general you) with a bunch of women, some percentage of them will land. That’s a recipe for frustration. I would never just give my number to a guy who asked for it out of the blue, and I’d reckon most women wouldn’t either.
4. You keep talking about limited locations, but I disagree that they’re limited. Look for women where people go to socialize - bars, live music, book clubs, hobby events (e.g., group hikes if you’re a hiker). And this is the perfect venue to casually chat with the woman and feel out the situation.

I don’t know what to tell you man. There are people all through this thread telling you it’s not as dire and impossible as you seem to think it is.

OP’s parents are in their sixties; they probably were born in the mid '50s to mid '60s and started dating in the '70s/'80s. Courtship probably didn’t factor in unless they’re Mormons or something.

Edit: I re-read and realized OP said his parents are almost 60, meaning almost definitely started their dating lives in the '80s.

If you walk up to random people in a cafe, park, or embankment (really?) and ask for their numbers

So I think this is the disconnect. This isn’t window shopping; you’re trying to connect with another human being. You need to take the time to talk with her, see if she shows interest by engaging and encouraging the conversation, and if there’s any commonality or chemistry between you.

Then, if you think there could be something there, offer to give your number rather than ask for hers. It will help her feel safer with you, and she can choose whether or not to accept and if she takes it, she can choose whether or not to follow up. It puts the onus on her to move things forward.

The social expectation was that the man approaches, but now enough women have said that isn’t acceptable in so many situations that it’s no longer safe to do so in practically any situation.

AKA, “A, B, and C aren’t appropriate, so D through Z aren’t safe either!”

Dude rather than accept some much-needed constraints, you’re having a hissy and throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Context matters a lot, which means you need to put yourself out there in the right context to meet someone. Examples: trivia night at the local bar, or a book club, or a local live music show. Most women aren’t gonna be interested if you approach them while they’re just living their lives grocery shopping or at the gym* or something - that’s not a social context. (*Unless you’re regulars at the gym and run into each other and chitchat all the time, but I’m assuming you’re not in that kind of situation.)

Once you’re in the right context, and you see a woman you’re interested in, start by very casually talking to her, and keep an eye out for signs of interest (e.g., turning in their seat toward you which indicates they’re giving the conversation real attention, or moving the conversation forward by making jokes or asking follow-up questions) or disinterest (e.g., one word answers with no follow-up engagement, turning their body away from you, mentioning a boyfriend). If you see signs of disinterest, just stop and let her be. But if you see signs of interest, continue the conversation. Don’t be too needy, don’t come on too strong, let the conversation breathe. And for godsake don’t buy her drinks, it’s cheesy and puts too much pressure on a new situation. Especially don’t buy her a drink without even asking her first, it’s pushy and I can’t speak for all women, but I fucking hate that. Ask her about herself, for example her interests. Try to get a gauge on whether you’re attracted to her on more than a physical level. If you have nothing in common, or you think she’s boring or annoying, there’s no sense in moving forward. But if there seems to be commonality and interest, keep the conversation going! If one of you is leaving, tell her you’re glad you ran into her that night and ask if you can give her your number (or email address or social media, whatever young people do, I’m middle-aged so I don’t know). But the important thing is that you’re offering her something rather than asking her for something. This means she can say no, or if she says yes, she still has the choice on whether or not to follow up with you. It puts the control in her hands which can make her feel more safe.

Good luck, I hear it’s rough out there for folks your age.

Unrelated: I used to go to tech meetups in my city fairly often. There was one guy who always seemed to be there just for the food. I only knew him by his username (‘Lex R’ - a programming pun) and never talked to him. Tall skinny dude; if I had to guess, I’d say he was around 50ish.

Every meetup without fail, this guy ate so much pizza. One time I counted 11 slices. He also drank at least a 2L of soda - didn’t matter if it was diet or regular, he drank it. About 10 minutes before the meetup ended, he’d put a bunch of leftover slices in a pizza box to take with him. And he had a bottle of some kind in his bag that he’d pour the dregs of all the soda bottles into, and would take that with him too. It was weird because it was a tech meetup, presumably most people were making at least 6 figures.

Until today I had never considered that this might be his only source of food.

And the crucial “Break out of frames!” link which I always appreciated

Yup, women have something similar: “perfume should be discovered, not announced”

Aw I love lilacs too :) I planted lilac bushes along the side of my last house. We moved away this past fall and I really miss those bushes because they’d be blooming right about now. I hope the new owners are enjoying them!

My favorite smells are warm sleeping dog (kind of a cozy smell, hard to describe but if you know you know) and garage that is used to store cars (kind of a mechanical smell, not sure if it’s from gasoline or motor oil or what but I love it). And also I love the smell of strong tea :)

Regularly? Yes. A one-off? Not the biggest sin.

Erasure - Take A Chance On Me