she / they
I’m using Voyager and that’s a simple matter of a short left swipe, or the setting to hide read posts (and expanding its image or voting counts as having “read” it). But I don’t use the second and the first is tedious, so I feel similarly and don’t use anything but top (12 or 24 usually).
It wasn’t an issue because whenever someone would make a comment, it would “bump” the thread back up the top of the feed (whatever form the feed took). I think the “hot” filter is supposed to take interactions into account, but I think most people just browse top 12/24 hours.
edit: “active” sort seems to do this?
Also, given OP’s “very bright dusty” back yard, it’s likely water is a concern. So, collecting and reusing rain water for a shade garden could be also be a big improvement for general sustainability (plus energy savings).
Check out “solar generators”. They take input power from something variable like a solar panel, recharge their internal battery, and then provide lots of different outlets to power or recharge various devices. So, mostly “just” a battery, but very well set up for exactly this kind of thing.
I’d add a fourth one: when you’ve told him how it makes you feel (and requested he respect you and your time), he’s doubled-down on the disrespect. His shrug just shrugs off all your feelings you were open/vulnerable enough to share like they don’t matter. That’s not okay in a partnership of equals.
The other patterns you mention (like making you fumble through a new game after a long day and calling you a million times to ask minor questions) are the same thing — the initial thing was disrespectful, so you explained that to him, but he hasn’t chosen to see that as a reason to change. That’s a massive red flag.
Also, the weaponized ignorance (ie the refusal to spend the two minutes it would take to figure it out on his own) is another part of the very common pattern happening right now between very many couples. The women are waking up to just how unhealthy their dynamic is with their husbands. In the stories that make it to the internet the men don’t usually change — sometimes a huge life adjustment can shake him out of it but only if he reacts with empathy. Good luck. This is difficult. And you’re not alone.