I haven’t spoken to my father in almost two years, and it’s been a painful and complicated journey. One of the pivotal moments for me was on my wedding day. I didn’t receive any message from him—not even a simple acknowledgment. I had hoped to hear from him, and his silence cut deeply, making me realize how distant we had become.
I feel a lot of anger and sadness because it seems like we will never have the relationship I’ve always wanted. I long for a connection where he takes interest in my life and my choices, even when they differ from his own. Instead, I often feel dismissed or disregarded, especially when it comes to my boundaries. For example, whenever politics comes up, I feel disrespected because he tends to push against the limits I’ve tried to set.
There’s also a significant element of fear in our dynamic. I worry that if I attempt to rebuild our relationship, he might use his financial resources as a means of control over me and my family. This fear makes it hard for me to see a path forward that feels safe and genuine.
Right now, I’m in a space where I’m trying to determine IF or how I want to re-establish any sort of relationship with him. I want to find out if it’s possible for us to interact in a way that respects each other’s boundaries, takes a real interest in one another’s lives, and supports each other’s choices—even when we disagree. It’s a difficult and ongoing process, but I’m trying to be honest with myself about what I need and what I’m willing to work towards.
This reminds my of my sister. Tons of therapy over our father and still no progress, well because the problem isn’t her. I told her to understand he Is never going to grow up so treat him like what he Is. Worthless. I was super angry for month’s after my last visit but I realized I wasn’t just disappointed in him. I was angry cause never had the parent I needed. I told her I’ll see him again in casket cause my life doesn’t improve with him in it. She told me to go to therapy but I don’t want peace, I want a useful parent. It’s bs my mom did everything she could and he has the balls to pretend he is in the same game. I’ll hold on to this till I die. Why? Cause I never want to be like him. Meanwhile like op, my sister is afraid of our fathers wrath. He actually pointed a loaded gun at me once. I told her that’s more reason to run. No money is worth trading my family’s wellbeing.