I’ll try to summarize this as much as possible but it’s really hard.
Me and my bf have been talking since end of November so it hasn’t been that long but we got really attached to each other. I always had guys talk to me only for sexual stuff so it took me a long time to believe he actually cared for me for anything besides that. He is the best guy and most caring one I’ve ever met. During the begininning (when I was unsure of what we were) this was the first month, he asked me my body count, I got so scared and threw a fake number at him to see how he would react. He was so upset and was crying and I felt guilty and then told him the actual number and was even more upset but then was fine after a day or so. I felt horrible. After awhile I was still unsure of what we were (we’re 7 hours away drive) and was asking him “what are you talking to me for? What do you want from me?” And he never said boyfriend girlfriend but he said he can’t tell me exactly because he doesn’t know what can happen in the future with his work and all of that. He was scared of telling me something and then me possibly being affected by it a year from now… anyways, then I started feeling it was official. I have TikTok and have had some people say they’d send me money to chat (I know it’s dumb). I told my boyfriend if he would be okay with it as I was not sending anything of myself and he said yes. I was messaging one guy and he wanted nudes so I sent the fake nudes (my bf knew) and then instead of sending money he sent me nudes back and I was so grossed out and told him this isn’t the payment he said and then we argued and I blocked. I didn’t tell my boyfriend about the nudes he sent. Moving on, another guy sent me money for doing nothing, just talking about our day and then my boyfriend said he’s not fine with it unless they are sending money through go fund me link (which I understand because he doesn’t like the attention aspect behind it). I said okay and I blocked him. I did request more money via email because I was dumb but never added back and only requested the one time the day after. I feel so stupid for this. On TikTok someone said they’d send money on go fund me if I give them my Instagram first. I thought nothing of it, I thought I’d give it, get them to send, and just remove. But then they sent a dick photo out of nowhere and I blocked. I felt so guilty and couldn’t stop crying. I told my boyfriend this and he was so heartbroken that I lied. That I gave my instagram out for money. Which I understand. And I told him that the first guy also sent dick stuff and he got more upset. He needed space and we were both in a rlly dark time. We decided to talk about it in person. By the time we were gonna meet, we were begininning to talk to each other more normally and he would make jokes that he made before (sexual and regular) and I guess I got my hopes high for thinking it’ll go back to the same
We met up on Thursday night to friday. When I got to the hotel we hugged for a long time and I told him I want to talk about it but he said he wanted to enjoy the night and he didn’t know what to say. I insisted multiple times but nope. We enjoyed the night and we did everything we usually do. The next day was also fine until I noticed he looked upset and that’s when it all came up. We cried a lot, hugged a lot. And I guess he just can’t trust me the same and he’s scared he’s going to invest more feelings and end up being more hurt. I feel so bad for my dumb actions and how it made him feel. I don’t know what to do.
I asked him what made him finally think of this decision and he said when I was singing along to my music that he didn’t feel or react the same as he used to before. That shattered me. I told him how does he feel that’s different but us having sex and cuddling all night was okay? We both care and like each other a lot and we agreed to being friends and not getting rid of each other from our lives. He says he knows I made a mistake and stuff but idk how to live with this guilt. I don’t want to lose him, I want to prove to him that I will never hurt him again.
To me it sounds like renting out your time to random guys on the internet is not a good idea for yourself or your relationship. I know it’s work you can do at home but I would highly suggest you stop doing it. If you need money is a conventional job an option, like Costco or Wegmans or something?
This needs to be higher up. Enough guys on the internet are going to be creeps that it’s something you need to look out for, but that risk gets even higher when they feel entitled to it by paying you for your time.
There are a couple of breadcrumbs in the post that hint that OP’s boyfriend might be a bit controlling, but nothing concrete. Personally, I wouldn’t feel comfortable dating someone that was actively talking to random guys on the internet for money. And OP’s post makes it seem like she keeps going back and forth on whether or not she’s okay with accepting money…
Not saying the guy is innocent, but OP also seems like a mess that needs to spend time to work on themselves before trying to date
Yes I am aware of that now after he told me he was uncomfortable with it. I understand his perspective 10000%… I stopped and the mistake I made was giving a guy my Instagram cuz he said he would sent me money but sent me a dick pic. And not telling my boyfriend the first guy sent me graphic content too and I was traumatized from it
Him ending the relationship because you saw a dick pic and have had sex multiple times in the past just shows his immaturity and lack of commitment.
You didn’t cheat on him, you got sent a nude.
It’s not like you were planning an affair.
I bet he looks at porn all the time, would you break up with him for it?
You don’t need to report every single thing that you do to him, does he honestly do the same for you?
He’s either a stupid misogynist who holds you up to higher standards than he sets for himself, or he’s just looking for an ‘out’ to the relationship without taking any responsibility.
He’d prefer to make you feel bad than to admit he doesn’t want to continue the relationship due to his personal beliefs.
I don’t want to tell you who you should or shouldn’t date, but there are much more understanding people out there who will love you unconditionally.
He said it’s because I made the mistake of doing it again? Like giving my Instagram to give someone my go fund me link and stuff. And the fact that the first guy sent my something and I didn’t tell him … his exact words was “it shouldn’t have happened in the first place”
The ‘mistake’ of receiving more than one unsolicited nude?
He was ok with the gofundme, but wasn’t ok with you sending the gofundme to others?
And you’re supposed to report everything to him but he doesn’t do the same for you?
Your boyfriend is free to express his insecurities. And it wouldn’t be unreasonable for him to say that if you continue messaging strangers in that context, he won’t feel comfortable continuing the relationship.
It’s perfectly normal to set boundaries and to get upset when your partner crosses them, but it sounds like he’s getting upset about you crossing boundaries which he never made clear.
So not only are there unreasonable one-sided expectations, you’re also supposed to be a mind reader who knows what all of those expectations and boundaries are in advance.
It was the whole “I went out my way to send someone my Instagram” we talked about Instagram and followers and stuff like 2-3 days before that or whatever and he mentioned he didn’t like people following me and stuff and they get to see what I post or whatever. To be honest, I didn’t care for those people so I honestly removed them. I now only have like around 50-60 following/followers. It doesn’t bother me. I post for myself and not for attention. I respected that because I respected that boundary. So the part he finds broken is how I gave my Instagram for money after we had that whole conversation about Instagram and stuff. I fucking hate social media. It ruins everything. And I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t also feel some way about his following too and whatever but then we talked about it and I didn’t care anymore. Communication is so important to me and it always helps. Towards the beginning of the relationship, he did like this intended thirst trap picture and I was upset and told him, it was super embarassing but he explained and I moved past it. The caption was “hope you’re looking at me like I’m looking at this sushi” and I was grossed out because I didn’t know what he wanted from me at that time u know? It was childish of me of snooping and finding out but I feel like we’ve all done that when we really like someone. I never left him for that. For INTENTIONALLY clicking like or whatever or giving this girl attention (ps. He used to be in her DMs too) but I didn’t care (also cuz she was kind of famous lol) but I’m thinking of it as a bigger aspect. Like when I text old men for money and I get an unexpected photo, or giving Instagram for money, I know it isn’t right and I wouldn’t do it again. But I find it silly because he says I broke his trust and he’s afraid I’ll unintentionally hurt him but he also did the same thing for me? Maybe not the same level but it did hurt me a lot because he knows I’m insecure and I get scared of being compared to other women (my ex did this) but I never left him for that. It’s childish. I don’t throw good things away for something like this. My parents have been through so much, made so much mistakes, they don’t fucking leave?
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