ie

  • Whenever I see a homeless person I give them a lot of money

  • I don’t say no, I say yes and put my discomfort for anything aside, other people’s wants are more important than my feelings

  • I’m very agreeable

  • I do odd jobs for people, even those who don’t like me, and even if I’m exhausted

  • I feel really guilty if I mess up even slightly on something and I’ll apologise and let them know I am sorry for messing up

  • Constantly battling my instincts and my entire personality feels like it’s being filtered

I still feel bad and like it’s all not enough. It’s as if something’s missing, but I don’t know what that something is. Is this normal? Sometimes I think “fuck it, I’m bad, probably was born bad, why don’t I do other bad things as well since that’s what everyone expects of me now” but I push those intrusive thoughts aside.

  • gonzo-rand19@moist.catsweat.com
    1·
    5 hours ago

    My existence is basically the reason my parents separated when I was 4 (my mom baby-trapped my dad out of insecurity). It’s not my fault, they’re just shitty parents and weren’t good together.

    Feeling guilty doesn’t change anything and it just makes you annoying for anyone to be around. Constantly apologizing isn’t a personality, it’s a chore to do and to listen to. You have the right to have emotions and opinions and say no to things.

    If this still haunts you as an adult, your parents probably offloaded the emotional burden of their divorce onto you. Consider whether any other six-year-old on the planet would deserve this kind of punishment, because that’s what you’re doing to yourself.