ie

  • Whenever I see a homeless person I give them a lot of money

  • I don’t say no, I say yes and put my discomfort for anything aside, other people’s wants are more important than my feelings

  • I’m very agreeable

  • I do odd jobs for people, even those who don’t like me, and even if I’m exhausted

  • I feel really guilty if I mess up even slightly on something and I’ll apologise and let them know I am sorry for messing up

  • Constantly battling my instincts and my entire personality feels like it’s being filtered

I still feel bad and like it’s all not enough. It’s as if something’s missing, but I don’t know what that something is. Is this normal? Sometimes I think “fuck it, I’m bad, probably was born bad, why don’t I do other bad things as well since that’s what everyone expects of me now” but I push those intrusive thoughts aside.

  • lyth@sh.itjust.works
    6·
    4 hours ago
    • Six-year-olds have very little agency over their minds and so little understanding of the world that IMO it’s not really worth it to view them as “guilty” of things.
    • I don’t know whether this is a useful way of thinking about things for you, but most of the matter in your body has been replaced with new matter since you were six years old. I expect most of the way you think and the things you know have been replaced since then, and how your cognition works on a very basic level has changed. Like, if you’re over age 27 you have a developed prefrontal cortex that wasn’t all there before. You’ve changed enough that you could safely regard yourself as a different person in a material sense, and a much better person. Sometimes when I remember something terrible I’ve done ages ago, the way I’ll think of it is that I can destroy that other version of me by becoming a different, better person.
    • You could see life-changing benefits by seeking therapy resources like DBT and CBT. Web searching these can lead you to free video resources that you could listen to while doing whatever else you do with your day.