FriendOfDeSoto

I’m sorry about your mom’s illness.

What I’m reading here in this thread is that you haven’t found the right therapist yet. And us jokers on the internet cannot fill that void for you.

We all have to live with bad memories. Regardless of quality if we were to enter a pissing contest to see whose suffering is greatest. You’re not living with yours, they keep you as a pet. I would go so far as saying being an obsessive goodie has not worked for you either. So look for a different therapist. At the very least another channel for you pent up regret. You can of course still be nice to the people around you. But you gotta give yourself a break from trying to outshine your average saint.

Without wading into the therapeutic too much, is there a way to move your PC, maybe to the bedroom. Or to set your partner up with wireless headphones.

I would say it isn’t so important to put a label on either of you as it is to find a workable solution. So frame your approach in these terms, make a schedule for headphone time, don’t engage in the at home therapy. Other than that, look for somebody who knows both of you better than me or anybody else here. The advice is probably going to be better.

How long have you been together? How long since you moved in together?

European-Americans

Why only those?

need better leadership role models to show them that education and hard work

Compulsory education in the US is straddled with numerous problems. Underfunding is maybe the biggest one. The fact that schools need to be converted into bullet proof bunkers doesn’t help. Standardized tests are not a foolproof way to assess people’s aptitudes. The curriculum in some states leaves a lot to be desired. A defective system cannot produce perfect students. And we’re not even talking about the insane for-profit higher education system that gives people debt for life. The system produces undereducated leadership role models. The good people tend to find other areas to work in. You cannot demand new role models without a complete, well-funded overhaul of the entire education system.

Hard work can be helpful to get ahead in life. But it’s no guarantor of success. It’s more luck or inherited wealth that get you ahead. You seem to adhere to the good old American dream idea, rags to riches stuff. It’s a mirage. Like the melting pot theory or manifest destiny it deserves to be deposited on the trash heap of history. There was probably more truth to the dream when rent/mortgage was a fifth of your average paycheck when it’s now most of your average paycheck. That is if you still have a home. Times have changed, ideas are still catching up.

— not violence, promiscuity, and criminality — are the right ways to get ahead.

Violence? Agreed. Crime? Also agreed. Promiscuity? You’d have to define that first. And I have an inkling I may not agree with you once you have.

Fundamentally, you could make a caveat even for violence and crime under certain circumstances. One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter. To the Brits George Washington was a violent criminal. Violence is baked into the birth of a nation, along with the prolonged history of slavery and segregation.

I also think that former criminals can be valuable role models. It depends on many factors, e.g. have they paid what we call the debt to society? Have they atoned? Etc. But if I’m not mistaken you’re looking more at financial fraud and maybe sexual misconduct - don’t have a clue why those two popped up first in my head - and I would say that disqualifies perpetrators from being leadership role models. People who vote for people like that to get into positions of power anyway are a real thorn in my sight as well.

So I find bits of your statement that I can warm up to. Overall, I think it’s a bit populist for my taste. I disagree with some of the assumptions I think you’ve made. And it does nothing to address any underlying problems as I see them.

The movements of people since time immemorial does not adhere to the arbitrary political lines we’ve drawn between nations today. Both France and England have seen large scale immigration by the Romans, various old Germanic people, then the Vikings. All these people have killed and fucked each other. Attributing DNA to an area is partially a statistical likelihood, so there’s a margin for error. Except in geographically and/or historically isolated areas, we’re all more blended than anything else. That makes the race theory of the late 19th century seem so utterly ludicrous today but we can’t quite completely get it out of our heads either.

Because they are a rebellious bunch. But it doesn’t matter because in one belief the whole country seems united. And that is to ignore all the pleas of train operators to stand on both sides of the escalators to prevent long lines and crowding on the platforms. We’re having none of that sensible crap.

There is a tendency to walk on the left in Japan as well. I wouldn’t call it a rule but a vibe. For a society that is rigidly built on rules and conventions, they are remarkably flexible when it comes to tolerating people who swim against the stream. Not wanting to cause a fuss overrides a New Yorker outburst of the “Hey, I’m walking here!” variety. IMO they also insist less on the right of way or other car traffic rules when behind the wheel.

I’m no expert. Stop reading here if that’s not good enough.

My understanding is that in cathode ray screens, the old-style non-flat types, heat would make a difference. In LCD and LED screens, so little heat is produced by showing images, it is probably negligible. One of them, I forgot which type, does black by just turning the light off in that spot. So the type of screen used probably matters here.

You can see massive ad screens even in hot places. Now, there may be insulation in use and/or A/C. My guess would be if they can operate a huge ass screen in 100F 40C weather to get me to buy shit, the combined energy costs cannot be exorbitant. And my guess is further that’s mostly to prevent the hardware from melting in the sun, whether the screen is on or off.

Taxes are unpopular necessary tools in the governmental toolbox. They are often marketed to the people as temporary necessities. And then the weeds of time grow over these intentions, people forget, and they’re here to stay.

Germans still pay a sparkling wine tax. It was introduced to be able to increase military funding before WW1. They have since gone from a monarchy to a republic to a murderous dictatorship to an occupied territory to two republics side by side (at least in name, the east got rid of the tax) to a unified republic. Guess what survived for more than a century?

That’s some cool stable genius shit!

This sounds like a weird person at best or the prelude to a scam, stalking, or social engineering at worst. You stick with your standards and don’t doxx yourself to passive aggressive douchebags, however insistent they may be.

As a general vibe in life, I try not to punch down. Antivax kids through no fault of their own are at a disadvantage in life (and make life for immunocompromised folks harder). Wondering if they’d be okay with a cootie shot as a question seems snarky and punching down to me.

You could not answer this question categorically anyway. It would depend on the age, how much autonomy they already have over their body, and to how much RFK junioring they’ve been subjected. So the answer is care and individual attention for each kid, not a generalization.

I don’t know where you get the idea I suggested we hunt them down from. But I think you’ve correctly picked up on my critical opinion on this question.

These kids have a bad enough lot in life by being born to and probably being negatively influenced by irresponsible parents. They probably deserve more care and individual attention than a throwaway question like this.

Were you dancing at the time?

I imagine it’s not as easy in terms of producing the template video to match your body type (and maybe agility) and then to set up the projection just at the right distance. Conventional wisdom might also say that you learn dance moves better by copying others and that’s why you get floor to ceiling mirrors in dance studios.

How does confidence factor into this? I’ve been confident in stuff before and it turned out that confidence was misplaced. Pride cometh before the fall shit. Confidence alone risks cockiness. Cockiness may lead to somebody testing your Golden Shield. Didn’t work. You now don’t have a country any more.

If the Golden Shield really worked it’s a question of capacity. If you had enough juice in it to repel all nuclear weapons you could throw at this country in a worst-case scenario, you’d have a powerful defense against the most powerful weapon on Earth that’s ready to deploy this minute. It may not save you from conventional attacks. It may not shield you from chemical or biological weapons so gruesome they aren’t currently shelf-ready. But development of those would suddenly become a viable prospect. I fear it just turns the spiral of development of more destructive weaponry one more rotation. Extrapolating from the last 6000 years of history, we’ve gone from sticks and stones to vaporizing people into thin mist by harnessing the power of the atom. We’re already in the narrow bit of the spiral. Paradoxically, developing a Golden Shield against nuclear attacks may lead to wiping our species out for good.

Why did she have to go and make things so … complicated?

Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

Thank you for your eloquence.

I know. What you have hit upon here is my obviously unsuccessful attempt at making these people look more ridiculous than the OG death cult.

I think this USSR quote is a good answer:

We know that they are lying, they know that they are lying, they even know that we know they are lying, we also know that they know we know they are lying too, they of course know that we certainly know they know we know they are lying too as well, but they are still lying. In our country, the lie has become not just moral category, but the pillar industry of this country.

(Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn)

In any authoritarian system where indoctrination starts young you’ll probably have a fifth of the population that’s high on the coolaid or never questioned anything due to ideology or intelligence (or both). The rest know they’re lying, etc. And keep their mouths shut because they don’t want to go to Siberia or El Salvador.

I’m not going to press you on an answer about your emotions if you don’t want to tell. You probably have it in you to change your behavior. If the bad touch response is frustrating you, there is probably a time span you can aim for in a shower that will be equally frustrating but without using the phone. Find that time.

Showers can be an incredibly wasteful way of washing. Finding ways to make them longer, especially on the reg, is something to consider avoiding.

What emotions are you having that cannot deal with 5-10 minutes of pure bodily hygiene focus?