ie

  • Whenever I see a homeless person I give them a lot of money

  • I don’t say no, I say yes and put my discomfort for anything aside, other people’s wants are more important than my feelings

  • I’m very agreeable

  • I do odd jobs for people, even those who don’t like me, and even if I’m exhausted

  • I feel really guilty if I mess up even slightly on something and I’ll apologise and let them know I am sorry for messing up

  • Constantly battling my instincts and my entire personality feels like it’s being filtered

I still feel bad and like it’s all not enough. It’s as if something’s missing, but I don’t know what that something is. Is this normal? Sometimes I think “fuck it, I’m bad, probably was born bad, why don’t I do other bad things as well since that’s what everyone expects of me now” but I push those intrusive thoughts aside.

  • FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.websiteEnglish
    15·
    7 hours ago

    I’m sorry about your mom’s illness.

    What I’m reading here in this thread is that you haven’t found the right therapist yet. And us jokers on the internet cannot fill that void for you.

    We all have to live with bad memories. Regardless of quality if we were to enter a pissing contest to see whose suffering is greatest. You’re not living with yours, they keep you as a pet. I would go so far as saying being an obsessive goodie has not worked for you either. So look for a different therapist. At the very least another channel for you pent up regret. You can of course still be nice to the people around you. But you gotta give yourself a break from trying to outshine your average saint.