Years ago I read a reddit thread saying you shouldn’t pursue friendships or relationships at your workplace. Then I again see all over the places over the internet that friendships don’t happen a lot after you become working adult and that they’re struggling make new friends. My question is If you don’t purse friendships, how would those happen?
Want to know about the thoughts of people over here.
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Of course you should - make friends with whoever you like! I’ve made friends with colleagues and am still friends with them years after I left.
The only reason I can think of not to is if you or they are loads of drama and you don’t want to bothered by it at work.
People are people wherever you meet them.
The other downside is the situation I’m in. I made friends with a bunch of coworkers, then I got promoted to be their boss. Makes for a very strange power dynamic, where I have to code stitch between boss mode and friend mode.
Plus, I’ve had to fire people who I’ve been friends with for years. That fucking sucks.
I turned down a promotion this year for several reasons, one being that i didn’t want to supervise my friends. I didn’t want the awkwardness, and i was afraid my imposter syndrome would get much worse. My friends know too much, haha
You’re spending 40 hours a week with them, why wouldn’t you want to have someone to shoot the shit with, or have a lunch buddy etc?
It’s a little confusing because IMO both of these things are true at the same time: it’s good to make friends at work, but by default your coworkers are not your friends.
But that’s really just poor wording.
Having a friend or three at work is wonderful. It can make a shit job tolerable and a decent job fantastic.
Just choose wisely, take your time, and don’t be too trusting too soon. And don’t reveal too much personal information to coworkers that you don’t know well and trust yet. Some of them will use that info against you. Ambitious psychopaths can be very charming.
We’re ambitious sociopaths, thankyouverymuch.
For real you’ve got to keep it tight until you really know someone. Don’t go telling everyone you smoke weed or something like that. You could do something completely innocent, someone takes it personally, and next thing you know you’re up for a random drug test.
But yeah one of the best friends I’ve ever had is my sometimes coworker.
One of my longest and closest friends was originally a coworker. It’s hard enough making friends as an adult. Don’t limit yourself unnecessarily.
You do whatever you want.
Just don’t be stupid.
Yes, absolutely. Why would you not?
You’re going to see them regularly anyway, so might as well be on friendly terms. Depending on where you work it’s possible or even likely that you’ll share some common interests too.
Yes, you or they will probably leave the company at some point, but that’s no reason not to make friends in the meantime. People come and go all the time; that’s life! If you’re lucky, you’ll make a friendship that survives even if you have to part ways at work. If not, just be happy with the friendship you had for as long as it lasted.
There’s a difference between being on friendly terms and being friends. I’m on friendly terms with everyone I work with, I’m not friends with any of them. Even those I’ve worked with for many years. I’m not at work to make friends or hang out or talk about personal issues. I’ll listen politely to whatever a coworker wants to say to me, but if its not about work I’ll try to redirect the conversation or end it as politely as possible. For me it’s about professionalism; if we’re not talking about a work related subject, we are off topic and wasting time. There’s also the potential for drama that comes with people at work knowing about your personal life and keeping a strict division between work and home avoids that risk.
Obviously this is entirely your choice to make, but this all sounds really rigid and restrictive. If you view someone telling you about their weekend as “wasting time,” I have to wonder if that mentality cuts into your personal life too. It’s totally reasonable to make friends at work. If the concern is that they’d bring your personal drama to work, then just don’t involve them in any personal drama and you’re gold.
My personal life is very different, I’ll generally talk about whatever with friends or even people I’ve just met. I think I am very unprofessional when I’m not working, it’s only when I’m working that I’m like this.
The point about drama isn’t necessarily about me sharing drama, there’s way more potential catalysts beyond that. Office politics can get crazy and all sorts of things can create weird drama. Being the boring person who is nice to everyone but only talks about work topics is an effective way to avoid that kind of bullshit.
I think you should, but to a limited degree. It generally makes the work atmosphere better, and it helps pass the time. But be careful about becoming overly invested in those friendships, since one day one of the friends might leave.
This somewhat depends on the work place, though. If there’s room for chitchat without a supervisor being witchy about socializing on the clock, I don’t see a problem with it.
One caveat is that being on friendly terms is not the same as being friends. Would they be likely to accept an invitation to do something outside of the workplace?
I call it ‘building solidarity’ rather than ‘making friends’. A group of people that don’t like and trust each other are much easier to divide and conquer. But when the communication and trust is there? Then stuff starts to happen.
Like most things, I think the answer is a frustrating “depends.”
I’ve made some life long friends through workplaces. I’ve made workplace friends whom I haven’t really ever thought about when I switched jobs.
Maybe the key is tone the relationship to whatever it’d be if you just knew each other through other friends? If you get along but don’t super click, a casual friendly work acquaintance is probably right. Do you two really get along, have some shared interests/perspectives etc? Then why be constrained with only kicking it at work?
I have work friends but they are a different category from regular friends. I’m more inhibited around them (or at least try to be). At the end of the day your colleagues and you have got together to make money as opposed to socialise.
It unhealthy to seek to establish relationships at work because you or the other person may suddenly be forced to leave. You should have a support network outside of your employer.
That all said, you spend most of your waking hours at work so it’s likely you will form friendships and you should celebrate those and try to shift them outside of the workplace to preserve them if employment statuses suddenly change.
The only actual disadvantage of work friends is that those strong relationships can keep you in a position that isn’t healthy for you and it makes it more difficult to come to the decision to leave for greener pastures.
The only thing I consider verboten is dating at work. Don’t date some from work - never. NEVER.
It’s fine to date someone at work, as long as you don’t care if you stay employed there. All the possible negatives of a work relationship can be mitigated by leaving the job.
If you absolutely need that job, then no, it’s a bad idea.
It may be fine for you - but when you date someone at work, you run the possibility of making it awful for everyone around you.
That’s just “welcome to humans.” People can be awful for all sorts of reasons.
They say this because if you expect your friend to stick their neck out for you, you might get let down (or fired).
The difference is that work friends can and should protect their job first, and their friendship with you second.
So feel free to make friends but don’t expect them to behave the same way non-work-friends would.
if a work buddy overhears you tell an off-color joke, they might report you to management if the company has a zero-tolerance policy to protect themselves. they don’t want someone else to report and include them in the list of participants. you’d feel betrayed; how could you tell our boss about the joke I told? because you’re expecting them to do what a friend would, and cover for you. but they are trying to protect their job. that’s why I’d recommend not regarding them as friends, but more like comrades in arms or something.
I’m friends with most people I meet. There are only a few friends that I’m comfortable with in all circumstances, however.
I’m friends with my coworkers and enjoy their company at work. It’s very different if I were to be invited somewhere outside of work, and is very contextual. Meeting because of our union? Absolutely. Meeting just to hang? Let me get back to you in 6 weeks. Meeting for beers? You said the magic words, see you in the bar 5:30 sharp.
Of course you should. That’s just super weird nonsense advice.
Unless you’re a gangster or prostitute.
It’s fine to develop relationships at work and move them into “on good terms” territory if that is viable. It’s also fine if it is possible to move those viable work-friendships outside of the work environment to see if they can stand on their own. What is not smart however is to think that work-friendships are real friendships just because “we get along” at work. Most work friendships will drop you like a hot rock if you get fired. It’s important to be ready for that to happen even as you see what friendships might be viable.
