I personally don’t think it matters much at all, except in channels that specifically identify that way. However, I am male, hetero, cis, so its possible I’m just clueless.

    • DemocratPostingSucks@lemm.eeEnglish
      83·
      2 months ago

      I know you’re probably a kind person, but imo, this kind of reductionistism is incompatible with being pro-trans-rights.

        • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
          131·
          2 months ago

          Not the person you’re replying to but it kinda feels like the “oh I don’t see color” comment when somebody brings up racism. To me, it feels… dismissive? I dunno. I don’t think what you said is a problem or anything, it just… feels like it has bad connotations to me. Take this with a grain of salt, what I understand and interpret can be very different from what you say, which can also differ from what you mean.

      • Nibodhika@lemmy.world
        51·
        2 months ago

        Is it? Then what is the gender of the person you’re replying? Surely if it was important you would need to know it before replying. The fact that you can reply someone without knowing their gender is proof that it doesn’t matter here.

        If gender didn’t mattered IRL, trans people would be seen in the same light of someone who likes wearing black, or is unhappy with the way their nose looks to the point of doing a surgery about it. Trans people suffer because society puts a lot of importance in gender, therefore wanting to dress clothes from a different gender, or having a body that looks a different gender are “radical” ideas that offend simple-minded people.

  • WatDabney@sopuli.xyz
    251·
    2 months ago

    Identity in general doesn’t matter much on forums (as opposed to microblogs, like Twitter or Mastodon). Forums are focused on topics rather than people, and what is said is generally more important than who says it.

  • RBWells@lemmy.world
    232·
    2 months ago

    I’m a lady and haven’t had any trouble here. The only place I really notice how ridiculously male - skewed Lemmy is, is on the NSFW. That is definitely all “male gaze” stuff, with the occasional actual lesbian also posting stuff guys like. Even the posts OF men are FOR men, everything posted with some assumption only men are looking at the posts.

    The other communities just aren’t so gendered, I don’t notice much whether someone seems to be one or the other, it isn’t relevant to cocktails or cooking or gardening or science fiction.

    • Hal-5700X@sh.itjust.works
      121·
      2 months ago

      The only place I really notice how ridiculously male - skewed Lemmy is, is on the NSFW. That is definitely all “male gaze” stuff, with the occasional actual lesbian also posting stuff guys like. Even the posts OF men are FOR men, everything posted with some assumption only men are looking at the posts.

      That sounds like a you problem. Everyone like to look at sexy ladies.

      • idiomaddict@lemmy.world
        52·
        2 months ago

        You misunderstand. Lots of women like to “look at sexy ladies,” but the things that turn men and women on in pornography are different (this should not be a surprise if you’ve sexually engaged with a member of the opposition sex). They’re noting that they didn’t find anything aimed at women, which is reflective of the gender demographics here.

        • Hal-5700X@sh.itjust.works
          53·
          2 months ago

          the things that turn men and women on in pornography are different

          Good point.

          (this should not be a surprise if you’ve sexually engaged with a member of the opposition sex).

          Don’t be a dick, Lemmy user. You made a good point. Don’t ruin it.

  • Riley@lemmy.ml
    21·
    2 months ago

    Lemmy is definitely a more male space than I think even reddit was, and that does affect the tone of certain conversations. It really is a whiplash coming here from Mastodon sometimes and seeing a very different vibe.

  • idiomaddict@lemmy.world
    18·
    2 months ago

    Why not make a new account with a femme sounding username and see? Don’t pretend you need help with a bra or anything, just interact with lemmy while “labeled” a woman.

    I have a more masculine username and a more feminine username (both seem like spins on given names, think UrArthUr and Bekky), and there is a difference in how I’m perceived, or at least how people respond to me. It’s not huge, and I’m afab irl, so I’m also not surprised- I don’t think I’ve ever been somewhere where people can freely interact and it had no effect (or at least not since I grew tits).

      • idiomaddict@lemmy.world
        5·
        2 months ago

        There’s always a difference in how men and women are treated. It’s not always a horrible evil sexist thing, but people pick up on cues from tone and username and react to that.

        Being online is nice, because the default assumption is that you’re a man, so unless you have a super femme username or are talking about something femme-coded like gardening or knitting, people tend not to treat you like a woman. “Treating you like a woman” basically means being dismissive of your experience or knowledge or tone policing (if I make a rude joke under a femme username, people downvote the hell out of it unless it’s about a very safe target- that’s how minor the difference is, to be clear). I’m also probably an egg, so my perception of not being treated like a woman as nice might be skewed.

          • idiomaddict@lemmy.world
            2·
            1 month ago

            Off, or not really the norm :)

            Like, I said it’s nice that people think I’m a dude, but I don’t know if fully cis women think that’s nice 😅

        • P4ulin_Kbana@lemmy.eco.br
          2·
          1 month ago

          Some time ago, I had the contrary thought of everyone being a man, so I used to think that just the way you described, everyone was a woman. I don’t know what happened to that thought, though. By the way, ::: spoiler I’m a GIRL! Guy In Real Life :::

  • Vanth@reddthat.comEnglish
    17·
    2 months ago

    Depends on context, as always. A user sharing a story on social interaction, gender may be quite important to how they experienced it and how others perceive it. I.e., a post the other day asking about worst dates and the average worst date for men was a woman on coke or a no show. The average worst date for women was about getting sexually assaulted or raped.

    Men are victims of those things too and can face different repercussions when they try to pursue help. Understanding their experiences within the context of them being men is also important.

    Stripping gender from these stories only obfuscates some of the problems.

  • partial_accumen@lemmy.world
    15·
    2 months ago

    I’m not quite grasping the context you’re asking the question, but I will say gender matters on Lemmy in the sense that I want full representation from all genders (and non-gender folk). The value of conversation here is derived from the many viewpoints that each of us bring. Without full representation, we’ll be missing valuable inside and perspective if a specific gender (or non-gender) is missing.

    • multicolorKnight@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      54·
      2 months ago

      I’m primarily interested in the opinions of people who are not at least one of male/hetero/cis; it’s too easy for the privikeged group to delude themselves about how good they are behaving.

      • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        171·
        2 months ago

        Transfem here, generally unless the topic being discussed is gender specific users genders aren’t relevant. Though, Lemmy has a pretty bad track record with gender relations imo, the whole women choosing the bear thing was such a shit show. The men’s lib community is good though, I’ve interacted with a couple posts there that popped up on my feed while scrolling and it actually consists of users who are empathetic and understanding and not anti-women like the reddit one turned into. It’s interesting, Lemmy has many many more male users than female, and it goes a bit further, with the ratio of transmascs to transfems being reversed. I just think it’s interesting that it’s an amab/afab split rather than a gender split. As someone in the thread trans-hatingly put it, “even the women are men here.”

  • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social
    14·
    2 months ago

    That Lemmy hasn’t devolved into an incel freak show is a barely functional alliance between the left lean and heavy moderation against the fact that Lemmy skews into Extra Opinionated Redditors (aka nerdy, lonely men)

    When some poor lady tried to get a TwoX going here the comment sections were always a sausage fest of attempting to mansplain away women’s personal experiences and concerns and that’s really all you need to know about things.

  • RandomVideos@programming.dev
    10·
    2 months ago

    How would people even know other peoples gender?

    There are people who share their pronouns/gender, but they are pretty rare

  • ContrarianTrail@lemm.eeEnglish
    92·
    2 months ago

    It doesn’t. What they say is what matters. Not whose saying it. Gender is irrelevant unless I’m going to date them or we’re about to lift heavy things.

  • j4k3@lemmy.worldEnglish
    71·
    2 months ago

    It is very much context dependant. People want to say it does not matter, and in our default context, it theoretically does not. There are certain contexts where use of outdated patriarchal norms of the past will garner a response. In a sense it must matter that it does not matter.

    My mind is drawn to the old adage, “hate is not the opposite of love; indifference is. For to hate is to still care in common with those that love.”

    If you use gender incorrectly here, or, in a broader context, act like an ass about gender you are likely to garner a reaction.

    There was a post here in the last few weeks about someone on reddit that posted about a guy giving his partner an old iPod or some device like that as part of a birthday gift with other things, and getting eviscerated for the idea. Then after reversing the gender roles, under the same premise, the opposite reaction was the outcome. I don’t think we are the same demographic here, but I also imagine we might display a similar objective bias in honest and objective aggregate.

    So does it matter here, IMO, we’d like to think it does not, but we are biased like any group. We are generally aware and appreciative of our diverse community members and tend to prefer gender neutrality when possible, like assuming they/them is generally good decorum and practiced here. When an anthropomorphic gender assignment is appropriate, the cool kids default female.

    At least that is the lay of the land abstracted as I see it when one speaks the unspeakable.

  • magnetosphere@fedia.io
    6·
    2 months ago

    I’m male, hetero, and cis, too. I know there will be some things I’ll never fully understand because of that.

    I try to keep things gender neutral (they, y’all). I know I’ll be wrong sometimes. When I’m corrected, I apologize and make sure I don’t repeat the mistake. There will be rare occasions where that’s not good enough for someone, but I look at that as more their issue than mine. I’m being sincere, and doing the best I can.

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 ℹ️@yiffit.netEnglish
    82·
    2 months ago

    Using people’s PPs still matters. Especially if you’re talking about a user who clearly puts them in their display name. If someone with she/her pronouns is replied to by someone referring to them as him and he, that’s a dick move.